tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post8007524557739605273..comments2024-02-06T21:22:28.723-05:00Comments on Flutey Words...: The Opening Paragraphs RevisedAubriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10884036126491922530noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-64693389196135447312010-03-25T07:34:01.694-04:002010-03-25T07:34:01.694-04:00Me again! I have an award for you at my blog!! :)Me again! I have an award for you at my blog!! :)Julie Daohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13814052162359300933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-42371534157404755902010-03-24T17:42:46.041-04:002010-03-24T17:42:46.041-04:00Great job! I loved how you wove physical descript...Great job! I loved how you wove physical descriptions into the action (sweat on the skull between the braids). The tension was wonderful. I wanted to read on!<br /><br />Good luck with your critique group!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01899768909313326172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-43890011454786713512010-03-24T14:55:15.179-04:002010-03-24T14:55:15.179-04:00Beautiful. I could really get into the story here ...Beautiful. I could really get into the story here and feel like I was there experiencing all of this!Julie Daohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13814052162359300933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-88916567359884873152010-03-24T12:43:07.774-04:002010-03-24T12:43:07.774-04:00Oh yeah. This one grabs me. Good job.Oh yeah. This one grabs me. Good job.Carol Kilgorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15168273312704732896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-59505621867417013212010-03-23T22:14:04.784-04:002010-03-23T22:14:04.784-04:00Love it!
xx,
E.J.Love it!<br />xx,<br />E.J.E.J. Stevenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05602161955672303860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-16377594066273200362010-03-23T18:49:33.958-04:002010-03-23T18:49:33.958-04:00That's wonderful. A much stronger opening, tho...That's wonderful. A much stronger opening, though I liked the first one too. It makes it much more personal. I especially like the fingers breaking with the hum of the sword. I'd be happy to beta read, but I'd probably just say, "Ohhh love it!"Lisa Rusczykhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17771775256505045469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-90435942059813590142010-03-23T18:30:18.422-04:002010-03-23T18:30:18.422-04:00Much better!
I'd shrink the first paragraph. ...Much better!<br /><br />I'd shrink the first paragraph. It's written well, but it would be better to get to the tomb faster. The only other comment I have it to use "scalp" or head instead of "skull" when he's sweating.<br /><br />I could see the scene and feel the tension.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-80857363044758204672010-03-23T13:59:21.524-04:002010-03-23T13:59:21.524-04:00Nice job!Nice job!Angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01445455787485222068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-34914518127697565752010-03-23T11:53:06.468-04:002010-03-23T11:53:06.468-04:00Very visual! You use the words well to paint a viv...Very visual! You use the words well to paint a vivid picture.Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081887188939480455.post-1963755740192328832010-03-23T09:08:30.410-04:002010-03-23T09:08:30.410-04:00Ooo...it's so cool! I like it a lot better tha...Ooo...it's so cool! I like it a lot better than the first paragraphs. Can't wait to read it!Cherie Reichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16663147386014122939noreply@blogger.com